Welcome to Part 7 of ‘Carly’s Journey’, an ongoing series where readers at pansophers.com follow my journey as I set out, an absolute beginner on the Rosicrucian path, seeking after illumination and initiation. In this series I journal my discoveries, laughter and pains during the Quest.
“Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow”T.S. Eliot, “The Hollow Men”
In contemplating what my new post is to be, it was suggested that I write about what it is which drives us to become disciples of Rosicrucianism. Why do we join these Orders; what are we expecting or hoping to “get” from them?
For me, I wanted to know Nature’s secrets. I wanted to know God’s laws so that I could best conform to them, thus finally knowing happiness and fulfillment. But in my experience, I was not discovering any uplifting or useful information that I was receiving in monographs from several Orders. But in my mind, if I wasn’t paying membership dues, regardless of whether I was applying the lessons of the Orders, I wasn’t a “real” Rosicrucian. In other words, I was simply paying for the privilege to be in the fellowship.
What I was not understanding is that it is a fellowship first and foremost, but my pride, as it has so often done, was concerned only with the most prestigious or accepted Orders, even though I still felt empty inside. I wasn’t becoming enlightened, I was just buying a seat at the table.
I let my memberships expire and instead I read the three manifestos, but with a closed heart and mind, a lingering resentment, and the only real intention being, “I accomplished this”. Of course I couldn’t understand them, and I only grew more frustrated. How was I going to become an adept without a teacher? I felt more doors close, and Rosicrucianism became no different from Freemasonry – an organization where I simply did not belong.
I reached a bitter point where I decided that I don’t need to sit at the table if I can’t contribute. But something in my surrender had permitted a shift in my perception. I didn’t ever truly give up. Instead I simply took a step back and behaved more like a student than a yoga master, and it was then where I discovered people reaching out to me, feeding my intellect and heart with books and words of encouragement. In being freely given resources and support, I became much more confident in my position, as unglamourous as it was (and pretty much still is).
The kindling inside of me was fanned with intrigue. Through determination, humility, friends who supported me, and God’s will to not give up, I began to understand things that I didn’t before. I read the Fama again and I actually saw myself in it: I related to it. I didn’t need a master to guide me, I had the fire in me to light the way. I was back walking along the Path.
Great understandings have come to me since I became committed to remain between the evasive structures of Rosicrucianism; I was just too angry with the life I was trying to find relief from to recognize them. The veil of ignorance via hubris was lifted, and while I remain in a transition period of formalities, I am amazed that not once in this challenging time of limbo did I think about giving up. Sure it struck my mind from time to time, that little voice telling me I’m too insignificant, I’ll never be respected, just focus on exoteric Christianity where I have a chance to become great…but my intuition told me I was in a safe place, and to just keep going.
All of the pressure was released and I let my reasoning and need to be important take a back seat, and I could recognize the work of my peers, and allow myself to be moved by them. My library has grown drastically the past several months, and as I trudge through unfinished books, I receive enough inspiration to have meditations of the peace that I have been seeking.
I still don’t have a single answer to God’s riddles, but for me that is no longer the goal – that was merely an entry point. My interests have become far more subtle, and not having answers is no longer a pang of failure. Rather, the adventure through new pieces of mystery being slowly revealed really is the satisfaction and fulfillment.
To all new readers, don’t forget to sign up to our blog to stay informed. We’ll never send you any marketing emails, just 100% blog updates sent out every quarter.
Your post reminds me Carly that most of the early Rosicrucians were responders to the manifestos….. neither students nor gurus, but intelligent (usually) educated free-thinkers who felt they had something to learn, and something to contribute. Most were also pious Christians, albeit of a Protestant inclination. It seems you are indeed in the fold, regardless of affiliations or not to any “Order”.
Thank you for bearing your truth. As a fellow beginner I understand the doubts and insecurities. Althought we may not fully understand the text I believe finding the truth within ourselves is the greatest lesson!
Can absolutely relate, Carly. A few days ago I watched an interview of an author talking about loneliness and how we have learnt to reject it and perceive it as a human pathology. He remarked that we need to learn to accept something like loneliness as part of the human condition, the human path, because Hollywood and Social Media have convinced us that it’s a human pathology. Then I wondered if one could compare his theory to the doubts and insecurities one experiences as a novice on the Rosicrucian path. That is having to learn and accept that following this path can get very tricky and that the insecurities and doubts which arise are all part and parcel of the path, because they make us stronger if we are dedicated and disciplined enough to persevere. You’ve also made me curious about the books which have accompanied your path so far and what you have drawn from them. If you wouldn’t mind mentioning one or two and sharing one or two aha moments, that would be great.
During Rosenkreuz’s lifetime, the order was said to comprise no more than eight members, each a doctor and a sworn bachelor. Each member undertook an oath to heal the sick, but without payment, to maintain a secret fellowship, and to find a replacement for himself before he died. Three such generations had supposedly passed between c. 1500 and c. 1600, a time when scientific, philosophical and religious freedom had grown so that the public might benefit from the Rosicrucians’ knowledge, so that they were now seeking good men.
In the early h century, the manifestos caused excitement throughout Europe by declaring the existence of a secret brotherhood of alchemists and sages who were preparing to transform the arts, sciences, religion, and political and intellectual landscape of Europe. Wars of politics and religion ravaged the continent. The works were re-issued several times, followed by numerous pamphlets, favorable or otherwise. Between 1614 and 1620, about 400 manuscripts and books were published which discussed the Rosicrucian documents.
Very interesting!