Last summer I visited Samuel Robinson in Germany. I was a little nervous because it had been a while since I traveled abroad. The idea was to get to know him and find out more about some of the Rosicrucian ideas shared here on Pansophers.
Upon arriving I saw the region was lush with hills and green vegetation. We visited locations where the Rosicrucian adept Alois Mailander once ventured, as he was known to have lived nearby in Elberfeld, Wuppertal, where he became Mary Gebhard’s second teacher, after her first teacher Eliphas Levi had died.
In short, the region has hosted some very interesting Rosicrucians!
During the weekend Samuel Robinson and I had good conversations and we took beautiful walks in nature. Two other Rosicrucian brothers joined us the next day and we had a nice meeting. During my last evening at Samuel’s place my solar plexus felt warm and a little bit painful. I told Samuel about it and he said “Good that means you’re filled up with the solar life.”
Little did I realize, he was referring to a particular practice and teaching which he withheld at the time. On the train ride home to the Netherlands something unexpected happened. I suddenly felt tingling in my groin region and a sexual force started to rise. It caused a feeling of butterflies in my stomach and it kept rising and grabbed hold of the solar plexus.
At this part of the body the rising sex force reached a specific point, pressing it, and it caused me to suddenly sigh with relief, thereafter introducing a feeling of bliss and ecstasy! From that point the energy split in outward directions towards the shoulders, until it went into my hands so that they became magnetic and energized. The strength of the ecstasy kept getting stronger and stronger and it all became quite overwhelming.
I started to experience loving and compassionate invitations to something infinite. I was feeling torn between the desire for union with it and the fear of oblivion in it. My emotional reaction to the awareness of this infinite depth can be compared to having fear of heights while standing on the top of a skyscraper and looking down.
When having conversations with Samuel Robinson over Facebook the last months this sensation sometimes returned but it never re-activated in full like that first experience. Last weekend that changed and the experience of a sexual force moving through the body returned. At the time I was quietly reading a book from Paul Foster Case and out of nowhere the feeling returned. The same regenerative internalization caused the sex force to move up through the body although it was less intense and easier to endure this time. I felt a lot of gratitude in my heart and it was softening me.
Leading up to this second experience I had been practicing scrying in a black mirror and, as a result, I was seeing certain symbols which pertained to the rising of this sexual energy as I would soon experience it. These visionary sessions led to the creation of the below diagram. I didn’t understand the significance of it at this time. I merely tried to intuitively put together my visions and experience into a visual representation.
As it turns out, the diagram relates to a teaching held within Robinson’s inner group. Ian Gladwin and Christine Eike reported my image, which I had put on my Facebook profile, and asked if I had obtained a certain secret diagram from Robinson of which they knew.
I had no idea what was going on at the time.
The diagram I shared on Facebook
I was soon to learn that both Ian and Christine likewise had knowledge of such a diagram, but this had been given to them, by Robinson, several years prior to my experience.
Robinson also confirmed to Ian Gladwin that he had never shared the diagram itself, even though it looked like mine was based off that! A coincidence, or something more?
How was it, that upon departing from Germany after that stay, the method and teaching awoke regardless? I never saw anything of such an image during my stay. Could it be that contact itself, without the grand words and fancy promises that normally come with most occult teachers and fraternities of today, can be enough to trigger initiation itself? It makes you reflect that sometimes a transmission can just reveal itself, delivering the proof of its fruits and deeds, rather than having it given by mere explanation.
This perhaps is in contrast to some fraternities, which offer verbiage-based rituals of initiation that often appear to be nothing other than mere empty words, with little experience to follow. What I experienced, was the very opposite.
Robinson has since given me some private documents dated 1889 relating to this diagram and its original sex teachings which are only known to a select few and are a part of a book he is currently writing. It was these documents, only later received, that friends associated to Robinson thought I was leaking to the public. Upon reading them, I found that they do indeed exactly describe my experience and come with a spiritual visitor.
I wonder what shall come next. This feels like the beginning of a new turn for my life.
Poem
“Something draws the bow
The arrow flies
And strikes the heart
Ecstasy!
Then overwhelming intoxication
The infinite knocks
On the door of personality
A dark mother
Hugs her wandering child
Beauty and terror
I hang suspended
Between fear and faith
A hammer pounds me
Then softens me
Then pounds me
A cruel steel
Reveals the Truth
Blow by blow
Christ sleeps in his tomb
Waiting to be borne
In the center of the heart
To unfold like a Rose
Its petals will catch
The Dew of Heaven
I want to see you
for the first time
It has been a while
Let me see beyond the mask
Into the essence
Of your existence”
